Dear Jake

I just had to put up this photo. It’s too good not to share. After you put your hands inside your briefs at the Bench Fever show last year, I never thought you’d do it again. Remember at the Be Bench Grand Finals when you suddenly squeezed your ballocks, revealing tufts of hair, here and there? Araneta Coliseum went up in a roar, you nearly reworked the meaning of “bringing the house down.” The last time I saw one doing that was six years ago, in some dingy bar in Timog Ave., when the macho dancer had to choke his monkey as he was losing his stiffy. That’s because he had 8 minutes left running on Celine Dion’s It’s All Coming Back To Me Now [Extended Version]. But you, Jake, you were such a tease. And I’m not complaining.

Jake Cuenca at the Be Bench Finals

Jake Cuenca was a no-show at the Cosmopolitan Bash, although he was one of the magazine’s hot centerfolds this year. However, a week after the Cosmo event, Jake appeared on stage at the Denim and Underwear Fashion Show of Bench, coinciding with the Be Bench Grand Finals at the Araneta Coliseum. Of course, he was one of the bolder ones in low-rise Bench briefs, at one point clutching his crotch again [just like last year at the Bench Fever show] to the delight of an appreciative audience.

What’s wrong with the 69 Cosmo “bachelors”?

Jake Cuenca [left] and Paolo Paraiso

l-r: Luke Jickain, Marvin Wijangco and Joem Bascon

This year’s edition of the Cosmopolitan [Philippines] Magazine’s ten centerfold hunks is a sexy and good-looking bunch, no doubt about it. But for years, it has baffled me no end how Cosmo chooses its 69 “hot, new bachelors.” As a tagline, Cosmo wants us “to get ready for a hunkfest.” Right. Throw in an ugly Agassi kid in there, some callboys and wannabe models [especially this short dark guy from Sta. Cruz, Laguna with dubious origins, who looks old but claims he is only 20 years old], and you’ve got a hunkfest? I am not saying everyone in the 69 list do not deserve to be there. Some should not be there because they are not hot, not new, not hunks, not handsome, not straight enough to deserve a bit of space in the glossy. Methinks some persons in the list were merely accommodated by the casting director [incidentally, the manager of Dennis Trillo] as a courtesy to their managers, benefactors and supporters.